my interview on a show exposing the psychology and reality behind porn and webcam work:
I have no problem with anyone’s orientation but I have noticed a very confusing situation in the world that is incredibly common but because of it’s nature, unstudied. It’s about “straight” guys sharing pornographic type material with each other. By pornographic I mean anything meant to arouse or stimulate someone’s sexual interests.
Guys often send pictures of women to other men, videos of women or their body parts that they’ve found titillating and want to share their excitement with another “bro”. But if we break this down with simple math you’ll see my confusion. Man #1 sends a video of topless girls to man #2. Man #1 does this because he found the video sexy and alluring and whether or not he physically touches himself, he “gets off” to it. He sends the video of the personally unknown and women (whose actions weren’t due to man #1) in the hopes or thoughts that man #2 will also “get off” to the video (whether mental or physical). So the women in the video have nothing to do with the recent actions of these men. It’s not the men getting off with the women but man #1 and man #2 getting off TOGETHER. That is homosexual. There’s also the factor of creating a continuous associative pattern.
So before you judge any “homosexuals” or pretend to not understand them, take a closer look at the things you use as proxy for your own penis. Sending porn to each other is just a way of touching dicks without having to physically experience it. You’re sharing sexual fantasy with other men and not the women avatars that shield you and have no investment in the real-time interaction. Cam work was a lot like this too. I was only acting to the fantasies given to me by other men, not what I would naturally do, and then I would use the fantasies of previous men (because every human gets lazy with tedious work) to seduce other ones…at times it was kind of a twilight zone.
I think confusion leads to pain and if this can help clear up any confusion about mislabeling things in order to see the reality then it would be beneficial to really question what and why we do the things we do. Especially the things we do without thinking about them because we’re scared of the answer or “not supposed” to think too much about them.
It’s ok to not know “what” you are but I’ve found it can damage some to keep themselves mislabeled in their minds and repress themselves in order to fit those “standards” and continue burrowing down ever-darker and never ending tunnels away from their truth. Or perhaps they just like to stay closely connected with their “bros” sexual triggers. That’s pretty tight but why the need? Perhaps to feel that they are normal and a part of something secret. This isn’t to attack anyone’s sexuality but bring awareness to our patterns which are signs of our needs, sometimes the need for intimacy and connection disguises itself in sex. Please, think about it :) Maybe the need to “fit in” and feel recognized and encouraged creates these notches we need to grab onto to represent a part of ourselves we are afraid to show.
Creative endeavors are great for releasing, reviewing and rewriting whats been exposed to our brain and programming structures, and being able to eventually share something valuable of our own that we find titillating on a soul level may bring more relief and than relying on outside sources to satisfy on our assumed behalf. Sex is also a creative venture and is greatly increased when hands and mind are experienced in other arts and crafts, the body is a temple and an instrument and those skills translate into knowing how to attune to and adorn a body. Merely watching people do things does not create an artisan. Those are spectators too afraid to play. We refine and define our instruments, just be aware of what parameters you allow yourself and what you can expect from those choices.
“George has said in other performances that he doesn’t believe there’s anything after you die. He was an atheist. (George breaks in: A former Catholic, atheist, be specific! Disillusioned Catholics are their own breed of Godless. They can’t go the wishy-washy halfway measure of “I believe in SOMETHING, I’m just not RELIGIOUS!” Fuck no, a former Catholic has to KILL GOD in his heart to be free of all the GUILT. Even when you use your logical brain, your Catholic guilt creeps in – when you’re raised thinking that God will condemn you to hell for eternity just for touching your own penis for pleasure, you have to KILL GOD just to be able to crank one out!” “
Thought I’d put these old church rags to some actual good use.
I don’t go into great detail about my god encounter on this site. Although this work was curated because God asked it of me ,I find it’s confusing enough as it is for most people to try to comprehend what I’m doing without throwing the full aspect of Holy work into the mix. But I want to show my life behind the perceptions. When I had the god encounter about 5 1/2 years ago he told me I would lose everything. I was pretty well set up at the time but surely everything began to fall apart. I lost a lot of friends and family who couldn’t understand what I was going through. I lost the place I was living, I lost the car I had, I lost $15K I had saved up to pay off the car I ended up losing, I went through a lot of medical issues while releasing old patterns. God told me he would give me back all that I had lost and he has over and over. He’d told me that there would be people to help me and at the time I’d only been in Austin a year and really didn’t have any close ties so at the time it seemed like an impossibility, but sometimes impossibly is what we need to face in order to experience miracles.
I’m not saying that the material things are oh so miraculous, there has been so much more that I have and will cover in my other forums but this world gives a lot more value to what it can “see” than what it can feel so in keeping with my promise to be an example I have to include the miracles that others may more easily identify as valuable.
I made a deal wth God that I would retire from the rat race and just do what makes me feel good and only things I truly believe in. He said that if i do that then he would take care of the finances and opportunity. The causes that were important to me, like giving young girls a more comfortable world to develop into, or helping people realize what real love and sensuality is were the driving force for creativity and inspiration. This has been a practice of faith and living in a new way. Although it has taken me down avenues I never imagined I’d need or want to venture, it has given me power to say no to things I don’t feel right about and understand how these situations gradually manifested over aeons of generations instead of letting them have a hidden power over me. But I’ve also gotten to see how to untangle them and though it makes perfect sense to me, it also makes perfect sense that it looks messy in moments of shifting.
So before I go off on my playful vids I wanted to make one in remembrance and gratitude of how things were for me not too long ago. I feel that we are all a part of the Nature I depend on to move and deliver me and in giving back I’m helping the “me” in those situations and committing that gratitude to action, just as Nature does for me. It’s why I started the blog in an attempt to help men like those who made me afraid of them as a child, or the ones just steps behind in the pattern and especially the ones who feel lost or alone in the patriarchal shadow. All of the “sex work” began as a way to help women but through what god shows me I’ve found compassion and a profound sadness (yet hopefulness) for the chokehold men have also been facing on the flip side. Realizing that communication and truth is the way to help clear up the unnecessary distortion and commercial degregadation is what drives me to be so blatant and open…I like a challenge so shock value from nudity is too easy a target for me lol this is about facing uncomfortable issues in order to release unneeded discomfort that makes the issues so uncomfortable…whether it be sex or god.
Not surprisingly I totaled my car the day after I filmed this…destruction is not always a negative, wait for the reverb cus it just might be something more amazing than what you thought you lost ;)
PS. there was a point after losing everything that god wouldn’t allow me to help men. If a homeless man approached me I was to say “women and children first” because at the time I was living on are change myself but still wanted to help others in my position. I’m allowed to give men food but no more money or cigs. And as far as vets go…I have some change to ask of those contemplating becoming a vet – don’t go to war, do not shoot anyone on my behalf. Otherwise, I’ll have no change to give you back when you return to the street corners so you might want to think a little harder about your future if not ours. WAR IS OVER IF YOU WANT IT :)
Energy runs on grids. Our body is a grid-like mechanism that we can learn to work energy through. When we lose density by flushing out stagnant and built up electrical charge we can open to the more subtle fields around us. Physically, for me, air becomes more tangible like water but I’m also able to feel the “lines” in the space around me, my body connects to something outside of itself that I can reach towards and feel support me and even moves my body for me if I allow myself to slow down enough. Imagine how that physical effect and practice might expand the abilities and available fields of the mind. Yoga helps me connect to the realness of life and go beyond what people tend to expect life to be. I’ve discovered new appreciations in small movements and find it frustrating to live in a world of superficial and fast consumption.
Sex, for me, real sex is about expanding those energy channels through out the entire body and mind along with the heart .I don’t see sex as being so much about the other person but connecting to the god energy and bathing in it. So I put vids like this out hopefully to inspire movements in order to bring more awareness in touches, slowing down to envelop the energy of a moment and not shoot through it on a pornographic idea of what sex is. I can sit on a hard stick anytime I’d like, plenty of trees out there for impotents to be jealous of, what I yearn for is to be absorbed by another body using our entire bodies and giving into the energies, getting lost in the sensations and not having to focus towards a goal but letting it take you somewhere unexplainable, that is true relaxation and release.
There’s too much “hands off” sex out there from practicing solely as an observer instead of connecting to yourself. I know it’s hard to face yourself sometimes since you’ve been so conditioned to be afraid of e-motions instead of violence (which might lead you to violence towards yourself), as manly as that sounds…. To be better in bed is to first off be better with your own body in order to respond in a way that evokes the energetic response within another. But all too often I find that no matter how connected you are to yourself you cannot be turned on by an unresponsive partner who is too dense to feel the moment anywhere than their penis or other limited and commercially designated locations. This world has become such a waste of good opportunity because of convenience. Too many people are allowing themselves to be spoiled rotten by technology and forgetting that it is preschool level technology when compared to the body and senses that they allow to go to waste. The sexual organs house the energy that is meant to be expanded and not diminished by restricting it’s path with conditioned and triggered responses.
If you’re one of those skinny-fat lazy dudes who’s not really all that “good looking” or interesting but expect to find a hot and interesting girl who wants to please them. fuck you – get off your ass and learn to be a pleasure first (and put away the porn/visual vice/robotic sex, connect to your body and reteach yourself what pleasure is, not what was sold to you as pleasure- you got ripped off, you should be frustrated… have some fucking independence please) instead of expecting all of us to mother you, it’s a huge turn off and we’ll never enjoy sucking your soggy, spoiled, porn fried dick and no, it’s not normal…just becoming the norm as you all degraded together as a species
now please watch my boring yoga practice and learn something, dumbass – you don’t need a fucking gym membership. get up and learn to move, energy is readily available and begging for you to learn how to use it. AND!!! there are lots of horny and unsatisfied women out there – you might be able to catch a break into the market… learning to dance with energy in movement will change your entire energetics including your magnetism… subtle changes in movement have a huge impact on impressions because you exude your tension patterns in every movement and sound you make, all of which is picked up in the subconscious of others.
and remember it’s a practice not a perfect – I find more relaxation and relief in laughing at my struggles rather than scolding myself for them – I also hope you’ll find the humor in the message too but also the seriousness and take it into consideration rather than in offense…cus I think we all know what I mean ;)
and here are some easy practices to start with:
cheesy ad tactics to create a mental recall
Kinda sounds like a wet dream but it’s a name I came up with to sell you dudes on a practice you might employ during your daily activities, or non activities, without even looking like you’re doing anything. It doesn’t take props or a drive to the gym and hardly any effort at all. It will help you revive and restore your senses by initiating the release of holding patterns that make keep you blocked mentally, emotionally, or physically. It’s a gem I picked up from a yoga teacher of mine, along with another idea of hers, to help myself release the gripping in the deeper crevices of my nervous system that I couldn’t seem to shift with the gross body.
Our body is a pressure system. We have our fleshy and muscle body, our skeletal and our nervous system. The nervous system is woven throughout our bodies in an ever-branching pattern to encapsulate, animate and maintain our physical being. Our heart creates the electrical impulse and the pattern of the pulmonary system affects the pulse and circulatory system. In short, our breath regulates our nervous system, our nervous system affects our muscular body, our muscular body affects our skeletal body. What creates the impulse to he heart? That’s where emotions are processed. The mind is in connection to the heart’s reaction which creates the electrical impulse to the nervous system, which can be regulated with awareness and breath. When there is disconnect between the mind and heart we can become out of sync with our Nature. This will end up showing in our physical body as tension or dis-ease essentially from the butterfly effect of our thoughts, habitual beliefs and nervous system.
What is tension? Physically speaking it is the electrical, or nervous system, holding breath in a space and therefore creating a density and weight, or focus, around it. When we hold that tension in a habitual pattern we can eventually feel petrified in that area because the flow of oxygen is strained and restricted. Petrified is a perfect word because it explains in two fold. In one way, the physical feeling of the dense muscle. Like when you feel a knot during a massage, which is a more gross body example of manifested mental tension. The knot most like isn’t the source of tension but the areas around the knot the created the kink in the weave of the nerve branches. Secondly, petrified gives the cause of itself in the mental sense. When we create a holding pattern of tension it is out of fear of releasing the guard around an area of vulnerability. The nervous system is triggered into holding when the mind encounters something it can’t reconcile rationally and that creates an emotional vulnerability. This is like any defense mechanism, but without releasing can become a vice that puts a choke hold on the flow of oxygen to areas of unknown tension. Because our body is a pressure system we need to work it out-ward and release internally to avoid pressure build up. This practice can be like a mini Big Bang to help dissipate condensed tension build up.
Because of the nature of this blog I have to mention also the importance of oxygen when it comes to feeling sensation in orgasm. Imagine a house in the winter all warm inside from running the heater, so warm you have to wear a t-shirt indoors. Then you look outside and notice it snowing and you hear the cold wind blow through. Then you decide to open the window and the first sensation is a satisfying tingle just before the chill catches you. For me, that initial burst of air is what it feels like, on a smaller scale, when I can release a holding pattern and allow breath and sensation to move back in and out of an area that has become petrified. This release will play out on each body field you have: Physical, emotional and mental (these work in parallel to each other). The combination of access to the opened areas in the three bodies creates the opportunity for greater sensation and satisfaction when it comes to releasing through orgasm. You learn to expand your attention into more than one area at a time which will also, in tandem, increase the sensation of the areas you were previously overwhelming with stimulation.
Many of us born in the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s are from a more upper chakra generational system. This is one reason most of us are more mentally than physically rooted. This can lead to wanting to understand something before experiencing it which can play out in trying to “fix” things about ourselves with added external information or psychological analyzation. But the brain is a much smaller system than the muscular body but we can use our brains to figure out which might be more efficient in affecting the other in a size fight. You might argue that the power of the mind is more powerful than the body and it’s precisely that reason that it is beneficial to use the body to release the powerful gripping patterns of the mind.
This practice is held in the space where these two fields become almost indistinguishable so it is working from the inside out by rewiring the patterns we send to the physical. It’s where mental focus roots itself into our nervous system and then sends out the pattern in waves throughout the body in a vibration like a radio signal through, usually unconscious and unknowing, mental acceptance.
Here it is: Without physically doing it, gargle in the back of your throat. Just think of the muscles you would you use to do this, let your muscle memory guide you through your mental imagery of gargling water. Can you feel the energetic movement in the muscles without actually manipulating physical movement? Can you feel a subtle opening and awareness in the back of your throat? If so, you are doing the phantom gargle and creating an energetic pulse to initiate circulation and movement. The more you practice it you will increase awareness and sensation as tension dissolves and allows energy to flow more freely. On the next round, try inviting breath into the open space as you “gargle”. You can allow the body to move if it feels necessary or pleasurable but the idea is to start to release energetically and also recognize the way you feel energy within the body.
Now let’s try it in other areas of the body we might be holding. Imagine “gargling” in these areas:
You can really try it anywhere, I tend to use it more in the head and upper chest when I’m doing it on the go but recommend trying it for any area you feel tension has settled.