great topic for this blog…..i don’t offer this stuff because i hate men, i subject myself to your potential ridicule because i love you and we all deserve better than what we’ve been taught.
I have struggled dealing with conflict…there, I said it, haha. Growing up in a household with behavioral extremes–did not always create an environment of healthy conflict-resolution. I am actually shocked, when I meet someone who deals with it well—having given so many readings. So few of us are ever taught how to deal with this dreaded “C” word. I thought I’d ask Eric about this…
So Erik, what do you say about the people who avoid conflict seemingly at their own detriment?
That shit pisses me off. Take my mom, she has a very clinical brain so she can sometimes come off as blunt. From her perspective she is just stating the facts, but from another persons perspective, she might be showing a lack of tact and consideration. So who’s right? THEY BOTH ARE!
Then what is the lesson to the person on the receiving end?
“They have the option of being honest; saying, ‘Hey, I didn’t appreciate it when you phrased your statement that way. It seemed like you didn’t care about my feelings, and the sensitivity of the subject. I felt really disrespected.” BOOM! “That is so fucking powerful dude, you have no idea. No minced words. No freaking out. Just a resonant truth. Now the other person might freak out, but usually they will sit there in a stunned silence. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you didn’t block your truth, and your emotional and energetic response. Now am I saying that is easy? FUCK NO!! But it IS ridiculously important.”
Some people seem to do this so much better than others, Erik. What is that about?
I know how you idolize Anna Wintour,, Jesse. (The editor of Vogue, and inspiration for a Devil WearsPrada)
Erik rolls his eyes…
Anyways, back to what I was saying. People are terrified of her, but the funny thing is that’s because she practices EXACTLY what I’m talking about. In the moment, and with no delay. She vigorously speaks her truth. Even when it’s not popular, and when it causes her to have consequences. In her case, she was taught this by her dad, who never minced his words, and taught her to do the same. She is actually not half as frightening as people think, but because she handles things in the moment–she has gained a reputation as terrifying.
Also because she is a women, perhaps?
I talked about how this planet is undergoing a shift, and how WOMEN are the forerunners of this process. This shift is partially about women getting ahold of their anger, and using it as power– instead of being afraid of it, and repressing themselves. FEEL YOUR RAGE LADIES!! Anger can be such a powerful tool! But most women are taught to repress it, and not speak up and speak out. It’s SUCH bullshit, and something I am trying to get alot of blog members to work on.”
I do not usually see Eric this animated. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that most of his past lives were as a woman?
“One of the beautiful things about women and their rage, is that in some ways they know more about it than men. You have heard this before Jesse — but if you break down the word WOMAN, you could sound it out to as, WOMB-MAN. Woman have the addition of a womb!! Because of this, women really have an amazing ability to appreciate life, in a way that really men can’t. They can naturally realize how fragile/sacred life can be, from the process of it growing in their own bodies. Therefore women have a much better ability than men (in general) at seeing how idiotic wars and shit like that is.
Should we really make gender differences Erik? This could cause a lot of flak!
I don’t give a shit about being P.C. Don’t censor me, bro! (Oh lord, here we go people–buckleup) The fact of the matter is that in general, the hormones in human bodies DO cause behavioral differences in men and women. This is as nature intended. Period. You see it in animals, insects, etc. What you have seen in the last decades between men and women, is not so much a liberation of women, as trying to shove women into a masculine image. There is still a lot of underlying sexism and rigid unspoken beliefs about gender roles.
I get this image of like Malibu Barbie, being outfitted in some ridiculous army fatigues.
This is EXACTLY what I am talking about. The extreme sides of this shit. Either GI Joe, or Barbie. That it has to be one or the other. Not healthy, dude. Not healthy at all. People are more complex than these small images. The word “feminism” is meant to be about celebrating the feminine, duuuude. Not hating men. Not trying to turn into men. And definitely not trying to deny their own feminine energy.
Is this part of the shift with men as well?
Yea, in some ways men face a bigger struggle in becoming balanced. It’s still not very socially acceptable for men to take long absences off work when babies are borne. Or for women to be the breadwinners while the guy changes the diapers, or does the housework. That is seen as emasculating.
Which is BULLSHIT!
(I think I was reading somewhere that men in Iceland get 5 months of Paternity leave?! FIVE FRACKING MONTHS!!!)
It’s about embracing those qualities, that have been so skewed and polarized, on a larger level. This is what the shift is largely about. Restoring that harmony of the masculine/feminine duality within the individual. If people knew the truth about the planet’s history, matriarchal societies, and all that shit, it would blow their fucking minds.
Oh god. Eric, dude, before we go off the deep end– let’s reign it in a little haha. Back to speaking your truth, I feel like you’re making it sound too easy! There’s a big difference between knowing this stuff intellectually, and actually practicing it!
Didn’t I just say it wasn’t fucking easy!! I mean, hey, I never said I expected you to become Anna Wintour overnight. She has had years of practice, doing this, and a background that’s supportive–but at the same time it’s NEVER too late too start being energetically honest, man! Never!! You can start by building small: something as simple as telling your newspaper man you’d appreciate it if he didn’t throw your paper beneath the thorny rosebushes. Baby steps people; baby steps…
Ok, I think that is easy enough. But what about those times when, especially as an empath, the whole system gets flooded with fear Erik? I’m talking about in the moment, when the voice is shaky, knees feel weak, and you are intimidate by your boss?
Silence. Erik does not say anything he is just standing there looking at me, with a really calm, blank look on his face? His chest is actually slowly moving up and down though, which I have never seen before. Weeiiirrddd.
Slowly he breaks into a smile, in my minds eye.
“That is what I am talking about, Jesse.”
Ummmnn, staring them to death?! How profound…
Haha, no dude. Sitting with the discomfort. This is something that at least 8 out of 10 people are unable to do. So damn important. ESPECIALLY when dealing with conflict.
Yeah, we are probably even worse at it now, with the advent of smartphones and other devices, whichkeep us from having to go too deep into our emotions. Constantly distracting ourselves. (hello porn – you shame me like a father but give me teets to suckle like mother)
(He get’s like animated all of a sudden, moving his hands around to emphasize a point.) Silence.
Breath.. Holding the space. These are the three things you need to remember. He uses me as an example: “ When you get uncomfortable or nervous Jesse, you often tend to just blurt something out to break the tension, and try to set things at ease”
UGH. GUILTY. I haaaaate those uncomfortable, awkward silences. So I usually make some ridiculous joke.
But that can be really inappropriate and detrimental, man. Sometimes, the most powerful thing to do is to be silent, and to hold that space, while paying attention to your breathing. When you do this, you will be better be able to tolerate the vibration of conflict, and feeling of unease. It also gives you space to think about what you’re going to say. Most important, by being silent in front of the other person– YOU set the tone. You let them know you’re not going to be bullied around by their energy. It allows you to be in a centered place, before you formulate your response.
Wow, that does not even capture how hard that hit me Erik. Is there anything else?
Nah, let’s leave it here for today.
Thanks so much, crazy man.