when god came to me – he gave me the choice of finding true love for myself or expressing myself to help others in the same quest. at the time the image that came along with “express yourself” was of a star dying out, expressing its life. so at first i took this as though i was giving up my life for others and would be able to tell my story before i went. if you aren’t expressing as you live, what are you holding it in for? as we express we can expand. i chose to express myself, so that my nieces and cousins wouldn’t have to try as hard as i had just to end up in the same predicament. he told me that that was the right choice and since i chose correctly i would would get it all.
I was trained and guided by god to do cam work. i’m wasn’t the type to be in front of a camera or even share sexual experiences with my closest girlfriends. by that i mean talk about them, pervs ;), i never really understood why they would want to describe how they gave blow jobs or make fun of their boyfriends and the situation. i didn’t mind them talking about it but to me it just seemed they were looking for answers. for me, i enjoyed the private moments with my boyfriend and things were very natural. i didn’t have a need for reassurance that i was doing the right thing – i could feel it. i couldn’t understand how someone could experience that palpable energy and feel the need to break it down to someone i wouldn’t be sharing that space with anyway, it would be like telling a piece of grass how good a donut tastes. then i had bad sex and realized what the fuss was about.
these days my pet peeve is when people hear about my encounter with god, especially those who knew me before, and then scrutinize the fact that i work in the “sex industry” as if god would look down on me for it. i’ve got some big news for you all – god has seen a lot of sex, even yours. dick and tits doesn’t sway or distract him – if you think that is possible then you are still working on your own issues of shame and self denial. sex is a gift of pleasure. god is energy – he can take away your ability to enjoy it or increase it. naked bodies and pseudo come ons are so meaningless in the big picture. you’ve just fallen into the trap of buying that sex is wrong or something to hide so that you’ll increase your own shame, blindly follow the crowd and spend more money on useless shit trying to disguise and run from it.
i can relate to these feelings – i associated a lot of “bad” with the sex industry, until i was forced to confront it and realize what a carnival sham it all is – the evil is perceived by the consumer. it stems from within you. of course there are people with “evil” intentions – but i’m sure you can agree that that is prevalent everywhere and a standard of our chosen society not a need to be fulfilled.
sex titillates god about as much as a your daily walk in the morning – real connection between two honest and vulnerable hearts is what excites him. not you sticking one body part next to another body part (your finger might as well be a dick as far as he’s concerned) He is reading what is going on in your mind and heart – what is your energy saying? what are you feeling? if you are feeling yuckiness confront and destroy it – he wants true freedom for us and if you let yourself be a slave to the sexuality or lack of from others then you aren’t following your truth – you are looking for another false idol. and if you are looking at sex or those in the sex industry as wrong then you are just calling yourself out. stop beating yourself up ;). sex is natural – if it were evil none of us would be here – we are made of love and the more hate we feed to ourselves rather than love, the more of ourselves we lose.
from john: (to me the male equivalent of a cam girl is a singer/performer – how many women does he sing a love song to in just one night? for both of us there is a sometimes unspoken disclaimer)
For the cover, there’s a photo of you and Yoko standing naked facing the camera. And on the backside are your backsides. At your “For Yoko” show at the Fraser Gallery you just said, “You are here,” showed some things that were there, and then people got the horrors. What do you think they’re going to think of the cover?
Well, we’ve got that to come. The thing is, I started it with a pure . . . it was the truth, and it was only after I’d got into it and done it and looked at it that I’d realized what kind of scene I was going to create. And then suddenly there it was, and then suddenly you show it to people and then you know what the world’s going to do to you, or try to do. But you have no knowledge of it when you conceive it or make it.
Originally, I was going to record Yoko, and I thought that the best picture of her for an album would be her naked. I was just going to record her as an artist, we were only on those kind of terms then. So after that, when we got together it just seemed natural for us, if we made an album together, for both of us to be naked.
Of course I’ve never seen me prick on an album or on a photo before: “Whatnearth, there’s a fellow with his prick out.” And that was the first time I realized me prick was out, you know. I mean you can see it on the photo itself – we’re naked in front of a camera – that comes over in the eyes, just for a minute you go!! I mean you’re not used to it, being naked, but it’s got to come out.
How do you face the fact that people are going to mutilate you?
Well, I can take that as long as we can get the cover out. And I really don’t know what the chances are of that.
You don’t worry about the nuts across the street?
No, no. I know it won’t be very comfortable walking around with all the lorry drivers whistling and that, but it’ll all die. Next year it’ll be nothing, like mini-skirts or bare tits, it isn’t anything. We’re all naked really. When people attack Yoko and me, we know they’re paranoic, we don’t worry too much. It’s the ones that don’t know and you know they don’t know – they’re just going round in a blue fuzz. The thing is, the album also says: look, lay off will you, it’s two people– what have we done?
Lenny Bruce once compared himself to a doctor, saying that if people weren’t sick, there wouldn’t be any need for him.
That’s the bit, isn’t it? Since we started being more natural in public – the four of us – we’ve really had a lot of knocking. I mean we’re always natural, I mean you can’t help it, we couldn’t have been where we are if we hadn’t done that. We wouldn’t have been us either. And it took four of us to enable us to do it, we couldn’t have done it alone and kept that up. I don’t know why I get knocked more often, I seem to open me mouth more often, something happens, I forget what I am till it all happens again. I mean we just get knocked – from the underground, the pop world – me personally. They’re all doing it. They’ve got to stop soon.”