tables turning

many guys i meet see my life and want to fix it – typical male reaction. what they don’t understand that this is me in my life fixing the world around me and my approach to what bugs me. what they think they know how to do i’m already doing – it’s messy, it should be. i expect it – i’ve seen worse lol. my life beforehand just looked too perfect. it drew people in bc they assume it would fall onto them too – now people shun me bc they think how i think and what i do is contagious like divorce lol – this is nothing new – it comes with the territory of being advanced and ahead of others (my family calls me creepy smart and it creeped them out enough to stop talking to me for 3 years and counting). of course they can’t understand, they still have things to learn to be able to understand – i’ve suffered this reaction and judgment from most people all of my life – being attacked and judged for being a cam girl is not much different. most guys want to tell me my way is wrong and their way is right bc they have money – that’s one of the traps – being trapped into your beliefs bc they support you being “successful” – i’ve already been down that path and turned it down – it’s hollow – i’ve found a better way – if you are happy with where you are then please ignore me – i don’t want to disrupt your happiness but you can’t be that happy if you are following me around to scorn me.

There are plenty more of the guys who are honestly concerned. I know it must seem strange to see someone in my position and think that all is good – i would have had the same thoughts in your position i’m sure. but i want you all to understand that yes its a shitty thing for girls to have to resort to but i took it on knowing that i was going in to make a change – you may think i can’t – but let me show you otherwise ;)

i have cam clients that contact me outside of cams to talk about their spiritual journeys – i help others outside of cams with this so of course i help them also – i don’t take on those who want to just send me sexy texts or ask for pictures – i’ve done this long enough to know what i’m putting on my plate and don’t need the nonsense – although i like to have fun (beginner sex talk is actually just annoying) i’m serious about my work and don’t have time to babysit/entertain/distract you from your discomfort for free ALL day long.

i’ve been receiving msgs from a viewer (never spent any money – he comes in occasionally for the conversations) and he wanted to help me learn to know god ;) oh little does he know…or does he? lol read the message as though (and essentially is) god. but it’s very sweet of him to spend time reaching out – helps me to see where he is so i can get a deeper insight too. here are the last few excerpts:

Hi Jenny

Hope you are doing well. Having a good understanding of how your brain works gives you tremendous power to control your life. Your sub-conscious mind controls your life. Your conscious mind gives you computational power for every day living. Your belief system resides in the sub-conscious and is programed by your habitual thinking. In the case of abuse of which you have no control, you are forced into thinking there is something wrong with you because it is you all this is happening to you. Also whatever else you were told by the abuser to justify his action. Understanding how and why you are the way you are gives you the key to become anyone you want to be.

The first thing I hope you will consider doing is to give a lot of thought as to the person you really want to be. You can use people you already know and borrow the things you like most about them. Next spend time thinking about and visualizing yourself as being just like they are. You can chose small parts of many different people to make the perfect person you would like to be. You can change this at any time if you change your mind.

Now imagine yourself as a actress and act the way they would act in your everyday life. Of course you would practice this one or two things at a time. In about a month, this will become a habit and become part of you. Because this is the new habitual way you see yourself, your sub_conscious will accept this as the new you and start guiding your like accordingly.

As for your health, consider meditating and see yourself as healthy and doing all the things you would like to do. Enjoy feeling wonderful and very happy being in perfect health. Do this many times a day and your health will conform to your vision of yourself. It is important that you never see flaws in yourself during mediation. With practice you can do this.

That is enough for now. I hope you are beginning see how important the way you see yourself in thought governs the way you are. The better you see yourself the better your self-esteem. My goal and I hope yours, is for you to be very happy with who you are and who you are is who you want to be.

Your best friend

Reply

hi buddie – i have to tell you – i already am – i’m thrilled to see that you understand these things but i’m kind of beyond this point – i would explain it more but i have more work helping people as you are trying to help me during the day – if you catch me in free chat i will go into detail – i just dont want you to waste your time – i knew these things years ago – what i went through has to do with it but is beyond what you are talking about – i know it looks the opposite on the outside but it’s supposed to – i wouldnt be able to do what i’m doing if i didnt know what i was doing and being guided by god to do it.

xxx jen

Hi Jenny
You are never a waste of time, you are even more important then you can imagine. I am sure you are more intelligent I am and you do advanced thinking. Sometimes, in life, the simple way is the best way. I can’t say I didn’t expect you to pull away but I didn’t expect it so fast. As you can tell, I have refined my beliefs and I am confident in them. I know you don’t agree with me 100% especially when it comes to God. I believe I am created in God’s image and I don’t have vengeful feelings in me. I do believe God is love, pure love, and I try to love everyone, even those who have done me wrong ( I admit it’s hard ). I believe there is no present and no future, only the past played over and over again, unless we change the way we feel about the past. Only then can we carry those new feelings through the present and into the future and effect a change. To me you are even more important then most because you were abused and denied  the kind of love and nurturing you should have had as a child.
If you don’t mind, I would love to continue to have a small part in your life. It’s important to me because I care what happens to you. I always have. I was drawn to you the first time I saw you, not is an adult way but I felt a connection. Of course, you are the boss and I will respect whatever you say.
Your best friend

Reply

if it’s not a burden on you then please feel free to continue – i’m sure there is a reason for you sharing and i appreciate you wanting to share with me  :) – i just didnt want you to spend all your time writing out something i already know – but i love to see your perspective on it so please dont hold back if it’s something you want to do ;) i deal with dozens of people a day helping them understand this sort of thing and it wears me out sometimes to write the same thing over and over lol i guess i just didnt want to place that on you ;) maybe i can show you the brighter way of my connection with god – there’s no need to worry…especially not about my salvation if anything – i can see the future – i can see the past – i can see the split offs and if you have any questions on how this differs from your perspective i’d love to answer YOUR ?’s ;) there are reasons for the things we chose to go through right? like you said, if my father chose his death in your reasoning then i chose my suffereing right? that’s part of my duty to understand so that i can make a difference in a place like cams. i’ve been assured and prepared for that work – but i’t not the only aspect of my mission – guys may concern themselves with my choices bc cams is such a big deal to them – but it’s only a fraction of my work. i wouldnt do it if i werent secure – i’d turned it down a few times before when i wasnt ready and god helped me get to the point i am – i’m not sure that i’ll be doing cams much longer – i def dont do it like i used to. god has been easing me out but life doesnt stop and begin – it’s woven like time – i dont want you to think that me being in cams is a bad situation i’m there to help YOU and guys like you, who are the true victims of this scam (you and your current or future families) – i’m not there as punishment but as a reward for me bc being able to leave the corporate electric chair and being able to help people in a face to face (kinda) situation is what i’ve always dreamed of doing – and focusing on the subjects i do is such a thrill and dream of mine – i didnt decide to have cams be the forum – it’s just where the guys are so god brought me to them. the other choice is to ignore the problem and go back to pretending i don’t hate the pool of wimpy douche bags i’ve been left to sort through :) I’m not concerned with finding a relationship at this point (not interested in the game), if there is a man man enough he will understand what i’m doing here.

xxx jen

http://printzessjenny.wordpress.com

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