you need to approach the clit with care.
Apparently, while some dudes aren’t paying enough attention to the clitoris, others are focusing on it a bit too much. “Direct clitoral stimulation sometimes hurts,” one respondent advised, while another chimed in: “Clits are pretty damn sensitive. There is such a thing as too much stimulation, and it is NOT fun.”
In fact, clitoral overstimulation from excessive vibrator use has been proven to dull sensation in the clitoris, albeit temporarily. One University of Indiana study determined that 3% of women who use vibrators have suffered from numbness due to clitoral overstimulation on a regular basis. TL;DR, guys: When it comes to foreplay, don’t head for the clitoris immediately, like a bull roaring out of the gate. As one woman told Mic, “my clitoris should be approached with both care and enthusiasm, not just enthusiasm.”
The other parts of the vagina need love too.
Although the clitoris is usually the star of the show when it comes to delivering orgasms, the rest of the vagina is sensitive in its own right. For example, the G-spot, which runs along the urethra on the anterior vaginal wall, is, for some women, even more of a pleasure zone than the clitoris.
“When it comes to sex I would like to have a bit more love for my vagina,” one woman told Mic, adding these specific instructions: “No harsh rubbing when fingering, and when licking, [I’d like] a bit more licking other parts [that aren’t] the clitoris, and more use of fingers.”
Other ladies just think men should take the time to get to know their vaginas, rather than just heading for the G-spot or the clitoris. “The entire vulva is an erogenous zone. It isn’t just plug and chug,” one woman said. “I wish folks would get friendly and explore!”
That said, there’s one thing all men would do well to keep in mind before they go spelunking: “Cut your nails.”
Some vaginas are allergic to latex.
Although less than 1% of the general population suffers from latex allergies, women who are allergic to latex typically have three common types of latex sensitivity. The first, and least threatening, can result in itching and burning skin; the second is a bit more severe and can possibly spread. The most dangerous of latex allergies is latex hypersensitivity, which results in not just skin issues but also cramps, pink eye, irregular heartbeat, pain, difficulty breathing and even anaphylactic shock.
“Latex allergies are more common than people think. Sometimes [having sex with a latex condom] burns, sometimes it doesn’t,” one respondent told Mic. “Sometimes you just get a horrible yeast infection. If your vagina doesn’t feel right, try a different type of condom.” In sum: Before you pull out the latex condom, you might want to double check that it’s not going to send anyone to the emergency room.
If you want to know what a vagina wants, you should probably just ask.
Not only does communicating during sex give you a greater insight into what your partner wants or doesn’t want, but a 2012 study also found that talking about sex while having sex makes for greater sexual satisfaction.
“Ask the person. Seriously. Stop generalizing what is good, bad and ugly. ASK,” one frustrated woman wrote. Another chimed in: “I wish all people without vaginas would know to ask what the vagina-haver wants.” Overall, when it comes to foreplay, it’s best to adhere to the following words of wisdom: “Don’t just blaze right in there. Patience is a virtue.”
Porn is not a manual for how to please a vagina.
While PornHub and other XXX video sites have their place, it’s not OK to use their content as a manual for what women want in bed. “I wish men asked what their partner likes more, instead of assuming something feels good. Stop using porn as a guide!” one woman wrote. Put simply, it’s not a good idea to “rely on porn for your understanding of vaginas.”
Women’s vaginas are like snowflakes: None of them are exactly the same. When you use porn as a guide to have sex, you’re ignoring what your partner might want and focusing instead on an unattainable fantasy. As porn star James Deen told the Frisky in a 2010 interview: “Don’t try to have sex like a porn star. When you’re having sex on film, you need to angle yourself a certain way. Doing that at home … it’s just going to be awkward.”
Hear that, boys? Trying to have sex like a porn star is awkward. James Deen, of all people, would know. So stop thinking about that clip you saw on PornHub last night and start thinking about how to best please the vagina that’s right in front of you. She’ll thank you for it later.