dem pickles

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dude: Hope you are having a good night! Do you run a cam show? Trying to figure out your videos.

me: i used to do cam work from like 2012-14 but not anymore – i just learned some from the counseling i’d do in free chat. mostly that
learning should be fun¬†ūüôā

dude: That’s very cool. Sure you learned a lot to help men doing it.
Learning should be fun. Totally agree¬†ūüôā

me: it was eye opening – there’s a lot that men hold back in real life compared to being anonymous on cams – so i want to address some of that and help them “come out” so to speak¬†ūüėČ

dude: We need all the help we can get. We do hold back and need to feel safe that we can express ourselves in certain ways sexually.

me: yes,¬†ūüôāeveryone deserves that – i don’t think men get that consideration as much as women on the whole

dude: Totally agree.
And then we seek it out elsewhere so we can explore what is not safe to explore at home.

me: i do work with women also – i’m not trying to pick on the guys at all – i’m just as direct with the ladies – if not more so because i know what i expect of myself
yeah – you have to remain the pillar

dude: Very cool. That is awesome.

me: or feel that what you need would make you seem like less of one
when that’s not usually the case – i need to wake the women up too

dude: You nailed it!

me: we lose our connection to our primal desires and it can backfire
when we try to become like men but use sex to gain or hold power
when we already know it didn’t work for them and we’re no longer pleasing ourselves and enjoying something like a blow job rather than it being a chore or bargaining chip – same for the guys – that’s perverting the essence and purpose of sex just as much as porn –
that bugs the shit out of me lol we all have a responsibility to the future we create

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Q&A:1

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Q: Do u shave and bleach your rectum?
A: I¬†don’t bleach, not all rectums get dark, but I do shave bc its faster than waiting for it to grow long enough to wax off.
Q:¬†Do girls enjoy giving guys a “rusty trombone” and have you ever tried the many van. (Two fingers in the front and five up the back)
A:lol What?!?!? Many van seems like a game guys play to think they know what they are doing when they don’t. Shoving shit¬†into any open space like sex tetris lol
As far as the rusty trombone…I’m not into smashing¬†my face into a strangers ass. Though I’m not afraid of my own poop cus i know what makes it, some people aren’t as particular in their hygiene and diet so its something I put aside only for men I’m involved with longterm and that I have a hand in nurturing.
Q: Would you sleep with me if the opportunity arose?
A: I¬†don’t go by looks so if this is a disguised “am i pretty question?” I can’t help you there, that’s subjective. ¬†Whether or not i would have sex with you depends on how you would treat me and how you handle yourself. I’m not a typically flirty person so it’s very rare that a guy can pick me up that easy. I think physical practices are great for helping you get back in the body and move in all senses in confidence, but that’s not an automatic – attraction is 3 fold: body mind and spirit. People tend to like fantasy and want a script before they have the confidence to just react and not “act”. So, it would depend on many factors….and if you could make me laugh.
Q:¬†My question is what would recommend me do about my ex just coming around for sex. I mean we’re divorced. And though we are cool with each other, I believe she still has feelings, but I want move on and meet women like yourself. I love sex and must have it as many times as possible. The kicker is when we were together she never wanted it. Crazy ! Just wondering what you thought
A:¬†There is something to the way we women (and men) are taught our roles (from the perspective of a child learning from an ‘adult’) and wanting to achieve what others expect of us (or what we anticipate them to expect) can lead us away from our natural urges – we train ourselves to fit a mold and when under certain labels adjust ourselves to our settings ;) accordingly. This is an easy mental trap to break with understanding
Regarding the situation of wanting to have fun but think she might have feelings: all I can say is have a conversation. If you’re grown up enough to have sex then you’re grown up enough to talk about – not talking down, and maybe you’ve¬†already done that. From there you have a firmer understanding of what the other wants and is willing to accept – I call this equal footing. If you’re taking sidesteps on the surface to avoid feelings and confrontation then you can’t expect to get any deeper.¬†If you really want to move on to another relationship then you can’t be dragging her along, not attractive.
If you are looking for something more surfaced and varied (perhaps in attempt to find something deeper) then know that you are in control of your own life. If she can’t handle what you need (which may¬†be the omnificent parental allowance or blessing to do what you want) then suppressing it won’t help the problem. I’d suggest acting out your fantasies to face the true reality. Decide what type of person you’d like to be – if you have to hide who you are from others then you are living in deceit and that can eat at your conscious. If you are prepared for losing or changing the relationship (which is why you got divorced, I would think) and you are ready to take responsibility for yourself and your needs (and if they don’t include her) then ships ahoy! Ultimately….follow your body. It will teach you through the experiences (sometimes unexpected) to find what you’re really searching for. Practice openness, in terms of what to expect and also in terms of honesty¬†for peace of mind along the way. We’re pretty programmed to avoid a situation until the outcome is secured – or at the least the illusion of it. Then again, some men get a thrill out of the fact that someone might care about what they do¬†and “cheating” (which is what I assume you may still feel like you’re doing it if she has expectations) allows the thrill to walk that edge – the root issue there is: why the need to edge – that’s usually a shotgun expression of repression and not accepting and allowing yourself physical, mental or¬†emotional expression. These are binds we place on ourselves.
I think the bigger issue men have with letting go of women is the insinuated responsibility you put on yourself. The story is usually “well she has no one else” “things are really tough for her right now and I feel bad leaving” “I’ll stick around till she gets back on her feet” to release any self imposed guilt. This is that paternal sense implanted in us to remain loyal. Loyalty should only be to¬†yourself, otherwise your “loyalty” is useless to anyone else and a self-deceptive false front. If your heart is true and you follow rather than deny¬†it then you won’t have to worry about being “loyal” to others. Trying to be more of something to someone just for the admiration, “respect”, or not to lose face is backwards manipulation. “People will assume this” or “people will think that”. If that’s the case then you are assuming people are too shallow to understand a complex situation (which is the case many times) and if that’s true then why would you care what they think, SHOW¬†them different…they obviously don’t know themselves. Women are pulled into it to with the maternal stuff. These “roles”¬†can¬†creates a¬†chokehold on the relationship between two masks of who you think you’re supposed to be fighting for your¬†actual truths to be heard without feeling that you’ve failed the self-expected “role” and go on wondering if you’re being loved for who you really are or the supposedly tolerable physode¬†you put up. Why does it get so messy? Because people want to love really badly and aren’t taught how to just be themselves in order to find what they really need. In our media driven society we are put on a conveyer belt of wants and new things in order to generate money and pushed to limits of anxiousness in our quest to gather all the gold coins. It all stems from good intention so we have to be compassionate with the other side of the coin.
My best advice would be: if you say you are “cool with each other” then you should be able to discuss what was obviously coming when you two decided to divorce. The other side of that is that if she doesn’t take well to it then I guess y’all weren’t actually cool with each other but continuing the “roles” to avoid pain and the obvious. If your will can’t handle that reaction and you’d rather suffer silently a little longer instead then that’s your choice too :)¬†¬†Whatever tickles your pickle, I’d say, if you’re grown up enough to handle¬†accountability and have confidence in your needs and decisions. So if you know its over and want to continue with her and begin your new journey I think that transition would go much smoother if you learned to lessen the shame and in actualizing instead of contemplating (which isn’t wrong either, just a phase of growth) things you may send off energetically will cut the chords on it’s own. The universe has a way of helping us when we act on our desires to¬†prove our commitments. It’s up to us to chose wisely which reality we manifest and who we really want to be. Anything we repress or hide¬†comes out in the end anyway.
You are responsible for your own happiness and¬†she is a child of the universe just like you and will be taken care of just like you will. I can only guess that she has the same needs but stuck in the same quandary – it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings but those feelings are prob the reaction to¬†the guy you’re pretending to be right now and thinking that maybe you still have feelings and is doing exactly what you are, still bouncing back and forth on the idea of moving on, not wanting to be the “bad guy” first – still the same tug of war from before right? Truth sets us all free.
sidenote: I didn’t have sex for a year and a half after my divorce – it wasn’t because I wanted or missed my husband (I didn’t have much sex during the marriage either) but because I had to work so hard during the marriage to disconnect from my feelings to stay in the relationship that it closed me off to feeling my needs in order to fit the monotonous “good wife” role. It took a while and a lot of physical therapy to bring me back to my Senses. And it’s scary for everyone to jump back out there after losing a¬†marriage, or any security blanket. We all have the same human insecurities. It’s our choice of how to feed them; either by facing and defying them or allowing them to swallow and¬†paralyze us.