Learning Curves


After doing cam work, the graduating stop on that road of deviation was sugar daddy dating. Cams holds a wide range of audience but mainly 20-30 somethings. Guys tend to get bored and eventually mosey onto bigger thrills in the late 30’s to mid 40’s. Typically once they reach that level they stay innocent enough and just create fantasy stories for attention until that wears thin and they finally make the plunge.

I did that type of “work” and research for about 2 years after the 2 years of cam modeling. I’ll have lots of insights of the realities and the perspective of the sugar baby but this story came to mind today out of nowhere so I thought I’d share because it’s one of the funny ones and hopefully helpful in anyones otherwise potentially misguided future.

This guy in particular is a lawyer here in Austin, mid-late forties, not really attractive but not what you could call ugly. Typically every “sugar daddy” has his check list and they’re usually all the same or pretty close. One of the major listings is anal but usually only asked on the 3rd or 4th date when it’s a really white-washed guy, which was the case with this guy, although he was “native american”, any race can be “white washed” into “buying crap” because all races are equal…duh.

So I went on about 7 dates with this guy over the course of a few months. He took me to dinner once and we went dancing one night but all in all pretty typical meet ups and expectations. I wasn’t interested in him or have a good time because I was with him but it was easy enough, nothing really unpleasant and didn’t take up much of my time. I’m not easily phased by sex and the body and I’m not the type to do things solely for money or allow money to change my soul path in this world so as a yoga teacher I’m quick to offer up advice or critique unlike most sugar babies who’ll keep quiet to cash out (cam girls are models, sugar babies are actresses). He usually took advice and suggestion well but, of course, it would catch him off guard. We made it through most of his little boy christmas checklist (mostly just the dancing date, basic position requests and oral tricks) and finally ended up with the big one left.

The last night we got together he showed up with an enema kit and cargo straps you would use for strapping cargo. The enema was because he wanted to do anal that night and like most white-washed guys is scared of a little poo showing up (which wouldn’t be much of a problem if they kept up with their duties…lol duties), probably never changed a diaper in his life. I informed this intelligent lawyer that enemas take a while to take clear things out and if he wanted me to use that I would be watery-shitting on him for the next hour so I would need advance warning on this request.

He was a little disappointed but moved onto his next idea, using the straps to tie me to the bed. Word of advice guys, if its not comfortable against your male skin, it won’t be comfortable against our female skin (FYI – it’s made of the same stuff). I find it hilarious when these men try so hard to come off as in control and have no knowledge on the subject….they are all fantasy and no logistics…I could go into a political or programming addiction rant in that breath, however, let’s just appreciate the awkwardness of the reality these men are facing in their narcissism, ironically enough. I could have pretended like any other well behaved but control hungry sugar baby would and gone along to keep the easy money but I couldn’t take myself seriously and let grown men run around thinking they look cool while being laughed at on my watch – that’s just mean or my own narcissism ;). So I tried to politely tell him that I had scarves that would work better for the situation (this was before I got the hog ties) but at this point i think his ego was blown along with the idea, not enough to keep the date from ending early but enough to scare him off and back to searching someone less experienced or more willing to humor a indistinguishably “disabled” man with prompted and well rehearsed moans.

My question would be to the men, how would you tell a woman how to handle a situation like that without hurting the man’s ego? Not that I want to admit that these situations are how most men learn about “sex” (or try to) rather than being open and intimate enough to be organically experimental with a partner, especially one they would marry and trust their life to instead of going to strangers in order to feel like a man because they can more easily believe those women think certain ways about them since they are detached. Maybe the point is to show that the alternative to real connection is never what you think it will pan out to be and hopefully give a broader range to paths you take to thinking a situation through in reality vs. controlled movie-style production. Not just with how it plays out but why it’s structured the way it is in your mind in certain circumstances.