Bi by proxy


I have no problem with anyone’s orientation but I have noticed a very confusing situation in the world that is incredibly common but because of it’s nature, unstudied.  It’s about “straight” guys sharing pornographic type material with each other. By pornographic I mean anything meant to arouse or stimulate someone’s sexual interests.

Guys often send pictures of women to other men, videos of women or their body parts that they’ve found titillating and want to share their excitement with another “bro”. But if we break this down with simple math you’ll see my confusion. Man #1 sends a video of topless girls to man #2. Man #1 does this because he found the video sexy and alluring and whether or not he physically touches himself, he “gets off” to it. He sends the video of the personally unknown and women (whose actions weren’t due to man #1) in the hopes or thoughts that man #2 will also “get off” to the video (whether mental or physical). So the women in the video have nothing to do with the recent actions of these men. It’s not the men getting off with the women but man #1 and man #2 getting off TOGETHER. That is homosexual. There’s also the factor of creating a continuous associative pattern.

So before you judge any “homosexuals” or pretend to not understand them, take a closer look at the things you use as proxy for your own penis. Sending porn to each other is just a way of touching dicks without having to physically experience it. You’re sharing sexual fantasy with other men and not the women avatars that shield you and have no investment in the real-time interaction. Cam work was a lot like this too.  I was only acting to the fantasies given to me by other men, not what I would naturally do, and then I would use the fantasies of previous men (because every human gets lazy with tedious work) to seduce other ones…at times it was kind of a twilight zone.

I think confusion leads to pain and if this can help clear up any confusion about mislabeling things in order to see the reality then it would be beneficial to really question what and why we do the things we do. Especially the things we do without thinking about them because we’re scared of the answer or “not supposed” to think too much about them.

It’s ok to not know “what” you are but I’ve found it can damage some to keep themselves mislabeled in their minds and repress themselves in order to fit those “standards” and continue burrowing down ever-darker and never ending tunnels away from their truth. Or perhaps they just like to stay closely connected with their “bros” sexual triggers. That’s pretty tight but why the need? Perhaps to feel that they are normal and a part of something secret. This isn’t to attack anyone’s sexuality but bring awareness to our patterns which are signs of our needs, sometimes the need for intimacy and connection disguises itself in sex. Please, think about it :) Maybe the need to “fit in” and feel recognized and encouraged creates these notches we need to grab onto to represent a part of ourselves we are afraid to show.

Creative endeavors are great for releasing, reviewing and rewriting whats been exposed to our brain and programming structures, and being able to eventually share something valuable of our own that we find titillating on a soul level may bring more relief and than relying on outside sources to satisfy on our assumed behalf. Sex is also a creative venture and is greatly increased when hands and mind are experienced in other arts and crafts, the body is a temple and an instrument and those skills translate into knowing how to attune to and adorn a body.  Merely watching people do things does not create an artisan. Those are spectators too afraid to play. We refine and define our instruments, just be aware of what  parameters you allow yourself and what you can expect from those choices.


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