Phantom Gargle


 cheesy ad tactics to create a mental recall 

Kinda sounds like a wet dream but it’s a name I came up with to sell you dudes on a practice you might employ during your daily activities, or non activities, without even looking like you’re doing anything. It doesn’t take props or a drive to the gym and hardly any effort at all. It will help you revive and restore your senses by initiating the release of holding patterns that make keep you blocked mentally, emotionally, or physically.  It’s a gem I picked up from a yoga teacher of mine, along with another idea of hers, to help myself release the gripping  in the deeper crevices of my nervous system that I couldn’t seem to shift with the gross body.

Our body is a pressure system. We have our fleshy and muscle body, our skeletal and our nervous system. The nervous system is woven throughout our bodies in an ever-branching pattern to encapsulate, animate and maintain our physical being. Our heart creates the electrical impulse and the pattern of the pulmonary system affects the pulse and circulatory system. In short, our breath regulates our nervous system, our nervous system affects our muscular body, our muscular body affects our skeletal body. What creates the impulse to he heart? That’s where emotions are processed. The mind is in connection to the heart’s reaction which creates the electrical impulse to the nervous system, which can be regulated with awareness and breath. When there is disconnect between the mind and heart we can become out of sync with our Nature. This will end up showing in our physical body as tension or dis-ease essentially from the butterfly effect of our thoughts, habitual beliefs and nervous system.

What is tension? Physically speaking it is the electrical, or nervous system, holding breath in a space and therefore creating a density and weight, or focus, around it. When we hold that tension in a habitual pattern we can eventually feel petrified in that area because the flow of oxygen is strained and restricted. Petrified is a perfect word because it explains in two fold. In one way, the physical feeling of the dense muscle. Like when you feel a knot during a massage, which is a more gross body example of manifested mental tension. The knot most like isn’t the source of tension but the areas around the knot the created the kink in the weave of the nerve branches. Secondly, petrified gives the cause of itself in the mental sense. When we create a holding pattern of tension it is out of fear of releasing the guard around an area of vulnerability. The nervous system is triggered into holding when the mind encounters something it can’t reconcile rationally and that creates an emotional vulnerability. This is like any defense mechanism, but without releasing can become a vice that puts a choke hold on the flow of oxygen to areas of unknown tension. Because our body is a pressure system we need to work it out-ward and release internally to avoid pressure build up. This practice can be like a mini Big Bang to help dissipate condensed tension build up.

Because of the nature of this blog I have to mention also the importance of oxygen when it comes to feeling sensation in orgasm. Imagine a house in the winter all warm inside from running the heater, so warm you have to wear a t-shirt indoors. Then you look outside and notice it snowing and you hear the cold wind blow through. Then you decide to open the window and the first sensation is a satisfying tingle just before the chill catches you. For me, that initial burst of air is what it feels like, on a smaller scale, when I can release a holding pattern and allow breath and sensation to move back in and out of an area that has become petrified. This release will play out on each body field  you have: Physical, emotional and mental (these work in parallel to each other). The combination of access to the opened areas in the three bodies creates the opportunity for greater sensation and satisfaction when it comes to releasing through orgasm. You learn to expand your attention into more than one area at a time which will also, in tandem, increase the sensation of the areas you were previously overwhelming with stimulation.

The Practice:

Many of us born in the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s are from a more upper chakra generational system. This is one reason most of us are more mentally than physically rooted. This can lead to wanting to understand something before experiencing it which can play out in trying to “fix” things about ourselves with added external information or psychological analyzation. But the brain is a much smaller system than the muscular body but we can use our brains to figure out which might be more efficient in affecting the other in a size fight. You might argue that the power of the mind is more powerful than the body and it’s precisely that reason that it is beneficial to use the body to release the powerful gripping patterns of the mind.

This practice is held in the space where these two fields become almost indistinguishable so it is working from the inside out by rewiring the patterns we send to the physical. It’s where mental focus roots itself into our nervous system and then sends out the pattern in waves throughout the body in a vibration like a radio signal through, usually unconscious and unknowing, mental acceptance.

Here it is: Without physically doing it, gargle in the back of your throat. Just think of the muscles you would you use to do this, let your muscle memory guide you through your mental imagery of gargling water. Can you feel the energetic movement in the muscles without actually manipulating physical movement? Can you feel a subtle opening and awareness in the back of your throat? If so, you are doing the phantom gargle and creating an energetic pulse to initiate circulation and movement. The more you practice it you will increase awareness and sensation as tension dissolves and allows energy to flow more freely. On the next round, try inviting breath into the open space as you “gargle”. You can allow the body to move if it feels necessary or pleasurable but the idea is to start to release energetically and also recognize the way you feel energy within the body.

Now let’s try it in other areas of the body we might be holding. Imagine “gargling” in these areas:

  • the space between the cheek and jaw bones nearing behind the ears
  • the inner ears
  • behind the eyeballs
  • behind the bridge of the nose to initiate opening in the sinuses
  • the base of the skull to release the neck
  • the base of the brain stem to stimulate the pineal gland
  • bottom of the throat
  • the lungs as you breath in
  • ribs
  • the heart
  • the tailbone
  • your genitals
  • your butt bones
  • back of your knees
  • soles of the feet
  • upper arms
  • palms of the hands

You can really try it anywhere, I tend to use it more in the head and upper chest when I’m doing it on the go but recommend trying it for any area you feel tension has settled.


Human Restraint


Oxygen is essential for pleasure. The expansion of cells with oxygen allows sensation. Whenever you can usher in oxygen to closed off spaces and circuits you can experience physical sensation and pleasure. When and where we are tense will mute sensation and interrupt the flow of energy. Pleasure is not as easy to achieve with mere mental focus and sometimes is even hindered by it.

Using props is essential for many yoga practitioners to safely open up tense and tight spaces in order to fully expand and integrate energetic lines within the body. Using too much force or trying to compensate for certain movements with shortcuts only leads to “injury” and bypassing the blocks creates gaps in the energetic lines and can lead to a type of energetic amputation.

In yoga, once you practice for a while, you become able to feel the threads of larger energy channels and with more attention to subtle body work you can branch out into more intricate and, therefore, fuller and more embodied sensation.

I use straps and sandbags in my yoga practice to help achieve this and sex is yoga for me so I like to use restraints in that practice time as well. It’s not always necessary but helpful in achieving certain sensations and helping my partner learn my lines. The physical benefit for me is the expansion I get by being able to relax the inner body due to the tension created in concentration in the lateral muscles and limbs.

For instance:I like to strap my ankles together in a missionary, prone or prostrated position. In missionary this can also be achieved by the partner holding my legs in and somewhat by hooking the ankles but that is more taxing than rewarding. In prostrate positions a similar effect can be achieved if the partner restrains the sides of my legs with theirs while I push outward with my thighs (points are groin, each knee and connection point of ankles). Being able to redirect the energy from concentrating and squeezing the inner muscles to the sensation of “spread eagel-ing” my legs apart and firing up my leg and side muscles allows more sensation not only into the leg and side area but also the relaxed muscles of the abdominal and groin. So rather than pulling inward, in order to pull the energy from myself, while also contracting my body inward, perhaps around my partner or just bearing down in attempt to increase sensation, I can push my legs outward, bringing all tension to the outer line of the legs and relax the inner legs and groin so that they become flooded with the reverberating energy created from the opposing tension when orgasm is released. This allows energy to “come” through me rather than me having to pull inwards to “create” it. If tension is relaxed in the mid section and focused on the outer lines then once orgasm hits it’s like it’s able to move freely through the interior, almost like an quantum vacuum that floods the entire nervous system.

I also like to have my wrists strapped together behind my back to achieve the same sort of flooding sensation in the chest and torso by using the constraining energy to push outward through my elbows (points are base of head, each elbow and connection point of wrists). The space in between becomes a diamond-like vortex. The opposite is relatable to women grabbing the sheets and clenching. But being able to push outwards, instead of clenching to obtain and muting the charge from orgasm, the diamond area  becomes open and spacious. Imagine a ping pong ball going back and forth up and down the machine and that tension is like a block that discourages and interrupts the flow. This is virtually the same as having my partner hold your wrists together while they are behind me and a bonus if they use the tension between our body distance to extend my arms and use them as reigns to help open my shoulder girdle. But that takes some body knowledge and sensitivity to energetics in order to do it well and I’ve noticed (not just through sex) that many people aren’t there yet. I’ve been through some awkward encounters but the main point is to try and to learn so open mindedness and communication are big factors.

Tying the limbs to bedposts or any full limb extension is helpful for bringing sensation to the full body as well but in a different way because it usually ends up being that you have to pull inward, not a total loss but a different effect and great in helping to learn how to use tension to your benefit.

Humans weren’t always in need of external props, though walls, floors, beds, couches and such all have usefulness too. Once two people understand their bodies well enough to accommodate another the can learn the sexual martial arts holds that will reduce the necessity for props and work more in tandem. Until then there’s nothing wrong with using assistance to achieve pleasure. I’m not a niche type of person, I like to think I’m a little more broad than a label so it’s not that, to me, S & M is anything more an over exaggeration that turns into product you can sell as a lifestyle. I think that, like any religion, there is some truth but you need to distinguish what about it is relevant or helpful and it can sometimes be like finding the needle in a haystack.

Learning Curves


After doing cam work, the graduating stop on that road of deviation was sugar daddy dating. Cams holds a wide range of audience but mainly 20-30 somethings. Guys tend to get bored and eventually mosey onto bigger thrills in the late 30’s to mid 40’s. Typically once they reach that level they stay innocent enough and just create fantasy stories for attention until that wears thin and they finally make the plunge.

I did that type of “work” and research for about 2 years after the 2 years of cam modeling. I’ll have lots of insights of the realities and the perspective of the sugar baby but this story came to mind today out of nowhere so I thought I’d share because it’s one of the funny ones and hopefully helpful in anyones otherwise potentially misguided future.

This guy in particular is a lawyer here in Austin, mid-late forties, not really attractive but not what you could call ugly. Typically every “sugar daddy” has his check list and they’re usually all the same or pretty close. One of the major listings is anal but usually only asked on the 3rd or 4th date when it’s a really white-washed guy, which was the case with this guy, although he was “native american”, any race can be “white washed” into “buying crap” because all races are equal…duh.

So I went on about 7 dates with this guy over the course of a few months. He took me to dinner once and we went dancing one night but all in all pretty typical meet ups and expectations. I wasn’t interested in him or have a good time because I was with him but it was easy enough, nothing really unpleasant and didn’t take up much of my time. I’m not easily phased by sex and the body and I’m not the type to do things solely for money or allow money to change my soul path in this world so as a yoga teacher I’m quick to offer up advice or critique unlike most sugar babies who’ll keep quiet to cash out (cam girls are models, sugar babies are actresses). He usually took advice and suggestion well but, of course, it would catch him off guard. We made it through most of his little boy christmas checklist (mostly just the dancing date, basic position requests and oral tricks) and finally ended up with the big one left.

The last night we got together he showed up with an enema kit and cargo straps you would use for strapping cargo. The enema was because he wanted to do anal that night and like most white-washed guys is scared of a little poo showing up (which wouldn’t be much of a problem if they kept up with their duties…lol duties), probably never changed a diaper in his life. I informed this intelligent lawyer that enemas take a while to take clear things out and if he wanted me to use that I would be watery-shitting on him for the next hour so I would need advance warning on this request.

He was a little disappointed but moved onto his next idea, using the straps to tie me to the bed. Word of advice guys, if its not comfortable against your male skin, it won’t be comfortable against our female skin (FYI – it’s made of the same stuff). I find it hilarious when these men try so hard to come off as in control and have no knowledge on the subject….they are all fantasy and no logistics…I could go into a political or programming addiction rant in that breath, however, let’s just appreciate the awkwardness of the reality these men are facing in their narcissism, ironically enough. I could have pretended like any other well behaved but control hungry sugar baby would and gone along to keep the easy money but I couldn’t take myself seriously and let grown men run around thinking they look cool while being laughed at on my watch – that’s just mean or my own narcissism ;). So I tried to politely tell him that I had scarves that would work better for the situation (this was before I got the hog ties) but at this point i think his ego was blown along with the idea, not enough to keep the date from ending early but enough to scare him off and back to searching someone less experienced or more willing to humor a indistinguishably “disabled” man with prompted and well rehearsed moans.

My question would be to the men, how would you tell a woman how to handle a situation like that without hurting the man’s ego? Not that I want to admit that these situations are how most men learn about “sex” (or try to) rather than being open and intimate enough to be organically experimental with a partner, especially one they would marry and trust their life to instead of going to strangers in order to feel like a man because they can more easily believe those women think certain ways about them since they are detached. Maybe the point is to show that the alternative to real connection is never what you think it will pan out to be and hopefully give a broader range to paths you take to thinking a situation through in reality vs. controlled movie-style production. Not just with how it plays out but why it’s structured the way it is in your mind in certain circumstances.

dem pickles

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dude: Hope you are having a good night! Do you run a cam show? Trying to figure out your videos.

me: i used to do cam work from like 2012-14 but not anymore – i just learned some from the counseling i’d do in free chat. mostly that
learning should be fun 🙂

dude: That’s very cool. Sure you learned a lot to help men doing it.
Learning should be fun. Totally agree 🙂

me: it was eye opening – there’s a lot that men hold back in real life compared to being anonymous on cams – so i want to address some of that and help them “come out” so to speak 😉

dude: We need all the help we can get. We do hold back and need to feel safe that we can express ourselves in certain ways sexually.

me: yes, 🙂everyone deserves that – i don’t think men get that consideration as much as women on the whole

dude: Totally agree.
And then we seek it out elsewhere so we can explore what is not safe to explore at home.

me: i do work with women also – i’m not trying to pick on the guys at all – i’m just as direct with the ladies – if not more so because i know what i expect of myself
yeah – you have to remain the pillar

dude: Very cool. That is awesome.

me: or feel that what you need would make you seem like less of one
when that’s not usually the case – i need to wake the women up too

dude: You nailed it!

me: we lose our connection to our primal desires and it can backfire
when we try to become like men but use sex to gain or hold power
when we already know it didn’t work for them and we’re no longer pleasing ourselves and enjoying something like a blow job rather than it being a chore or bargaining chip – same for the guys – that’s perverting the essence and purpose of sex just as much as porn –
that bugs the shit out of me lol we all have a responsibility to the future we create


Q: Do u shave and bleach your rectum?
A: I don’t bleach, not all rectums get dark, but I do shave bc its faster than waiting for it to grow long enough to wax off.
Q: Do girls enjoy giving guys a “rusty trombone” and have you ever tried the many van. (Two fingers in the front and five up the back)
A:lol What?!?!? Many van seems like a game guys play to think they know what they are doing when they don’t. Shoving shit into any open space like sex tetris lol
As far as the rusty trombone…I’m not into smashing my face into a strangers ass. Though I’m not afraid of my own poop cus i know what makes it, some people aren’t as particular in their hygiene and diet so its something I put aside only for men I’m involved with longterm and that I have a hand in nurturing.
Q: Would you sleep with me if the opportunity arose?
A: I don’t go by looks so if this is a disguised “am i pretty question?” I can’t help you there, that’s subjective.  Whether or not i would have sex with you depends on how you would treat me and how you handle yourself. I’m not a typically flirty person so it’s very rare that a guy can pick me up that easy. I think physical practices are great for helping you get back in the body and move in all senses in confidence, but that’s not an automatic – attraction is 3 fold: body mind and spirit. People tend to like fantasy and want a script before they have the confidence to just react and not “act”. So, it would depend on many factors….and if you could make me laugh.
Q: My question is what would recommend me do about my ex just coming around for sex. I mean we’re divorced. And though we are cool with each other, I believe she still has feelings, but I want move on and meet women like yourself. I love sex and must have it as many times as possible. The kicker is when we were together she never wanted it. Crazy ! Just wondering what you thought
A: There is something to the way we women (and men) are taught our roles (from the perspective of a child learning from an ‘adult’) and wanting to achieve what others expect of us (or what we anticipate them to expect) can lead us away from our natural urges – we train ourselves to fit a mold and when under certain labels adjust ourselves to our settings ;) accordingly. This is an easy mental trap to break with understanding
Regarding the situation of wanting to have fun but think she might have feelings: all I can say is have a conversation. If you’re grown up enough to have sex then you’re grown up enough to talk about – not talking down, and maybe you’ve already done that. From there you have a firmer understanding of what the other wants and is willing to accept – I call this equal footing. If you’re taking sidesteps on the surface to avoid feelings and confrontation then you can’t expect to get any deeper. If you really want to move on to another relationship then you can’t be dragging her along, not attractive.
If you are looking for something more surfaced and varied (perhaps in attempt to find something deeper) then know that you are in control of your own life. If she can’t handle what you need (which may be the omnificent parental allowance or blessing to do what you want) then suppressing it won’t help the problem. I’d suggest acting out your fantasies to face the true reality. Decide what type of person you’d like to be – if you have to hide who you are from others then you are living in deceit and that can eat at your conscious. If you are prepared for losing or changing the relationship (which is why you got divorced, I would think) and you are ready to take responsibility for yourself and your needs (and if they don’t include her) then ships ahoy! Ultimately….follow your body. It will teach you through the experiences (sometimes unexpected) to find what you’re really searching for. Practice openness, in terms of what to expect and also in terms of honesty for peace of mind along the way. We’re pretty programmed to avoid a situation until the outcome is secured – or at the least the illusion of it. Then again, some men get a thrill out of the fact that someone might care about what they do and “cheating” (which is what I assume you may still feel like you’re doing it if she has expectations) allows the thrill to walk that edge – the root issue there is: why the need to edge – that’s usually a shotgun expression of repression and not accepting and allowing yourself physical, mental or emotional expression. These are binds we place on ourselves.
I think the bigger issue men have with letting go of women is the insinuated responsibility you put on yourself. The story is usually “well she has no one else” “things are really tough for her right now and I feel bad leaving” “I’ll stick around till she gets back on her feet” to release any self imposed guilt. This is that paternal sense implanted in us to remain loyal. Loyalty should only be to yourself, otherwise your “loyalty” is useless to anyone else and a self-deceptive false front. If your heart is true and you follow rather than deny it then you won’t have to worry about being “loyal” to others. Trying to be more of something to someone just for the admiration, “respect”, or not to lose face is backwards manipulation. “People will assume this” or “people will think that”. If that’s the case then you are assuming people are too shallow to understand a complex situation (which is the case many times) and if that’s true then why would you care what they think, SHOW them different…they obviously don’t know themselves. Women are pulled into it to with the maternal stuff. These “roles” can creates a chokehold on the relationship between two masks of who you think you’re supposed to be fighting for your actual truths to be heard without feeling that you’ve failed the self-expected “role” and go on wondering if you’re being loved for who you really are or the supposedly tolerable physode you put up. Why does it get so messy? Because people want to love really badly and aren’t taught how to just be themselves in order to find what they really need. In our media driven society we are put on a conveyer belt of wants and new things in order to generate money and pushed to limits of anxiousness in our quest to gather all the gold coins. It all stems from good intention so we have to be compassionate with the other side of the coin.
My best advice would be: if you say you are “cool with each other” then you should be able to discuss what was obviously coming when you two decided to divorce. The other side of that is that if she doesn’t take well to it then I guess y’all weren’t actually cool with each other but continuing the “roles” to avoid pain and the obvious. If your will can’t handle that reaction and you’d rather suffer silently a little longer instead then that’s your choice too :)  Whatever tickles your pickle, I’d say, if you’re grown up enough to handle accountability and have confidence in your needs and decisions. So if you know its over and want to continue with her and begin your new journey I think that transition would go much smoother if you learned to lessen the shame and in actualizing instead of contemplating (which isn’t wrong either, just a phase of growth) things you may send off energetically will cut the chords on it’s own. The universe has a way of helping us when we act on our desires to prove our commitments. It’s up to us to chose wisely which reality we manifest and who we really want to be. Anything we repress or hide comes out in the end anyway.
You are responsible for your own happiness and she is a child of the universe just like you and will be taken care of just like you will. I can only guess that she has the same needs but stuck in the same quandary – it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings but those feelings are prob the reaction to the guy you’re pretending to be right now and thinking that maybe you still have feelings and is doing exactly what you are, still bouncing back and forth on the idea of moving on, not wanting to be the “bad guy” first – still the same tug of war from before right? Truth sets us all free.
sidenote: I didn’t have sex for a year and a half after my divorce – it wasn’t because I wanted or missed my husband (I didn’t have much sex during the marriage either) but because I had to work so hard during the marriage to disconnect from my feelings to stay in the relationship that it closed me off to feeling my needs in order to fit the monotonous “good wife” role. It took a while and a lot of physical therapy to bring me back to my Senses. And it’s scary for everyone to jump back out there after losing a marriage, or any security blanket. We all have the same human insecurities. It’s our choice of how to feed them; either by facing and defying them or allowing them to swallow and paralyze us.

ad dicks

In 1970 a Federal study estimated the total retail value of pornography was around $10 million. Shockingly, by 2001, a study put the total (including video, pay-per-view, Internet and magazines) between $2.6 billion and $3.9 billion. That profit number should be a red flag for anyone trying to understand the morality behind pornography, as any corporate influenced industry usually leaves ethics and human wellness at the door when promoting their profit margins. [2][3][4]

Is Porn Ruining Sex?

Brett and Kate Mckay from, wrote in an article titled The Problem With PornPornography is such a polarizing issue, that it’s easy for people to take extreme sides when approaching it. Oftentimes, religious people, while very sincere in their beliefs, brand porn as vile filth that turns good men into sexual perverts and unclean lepers… The other extreme sees porn as just a healthy expression of sexuality. Pornography is heartily encouraged in order to help people discover what pleases them sexually, no matter how graphic or violent the material is. The people in this camp will argue that as long as consenting adults are involved and no one gets hurt, then anything goes. However, this approach fails to recognize the detrimental effects porn can have on an individual, on women, and on society.”[5]

Pornography watching without a doubt can be a compulsive practice.  It’s more like food to a compulsive over-eater. Once you make those pleasure connections in your brain they can be very hard to break. And it’s not an exaggeration to say that porn can ruin your life. The false standards and ideals established through porn affect men and women more so than you might think. Some might disagree to this notion, but pornography objectifies both women and men. For the longest time, the subject of objectification was based solely on women, and this held true for many years.  However, one cannot deny that in our current culture men are objectified just as much in the media. In pornography especially (heterosexual and homosexual), men and women are looked at as sexually gratifying ‘things’, leaving out the need to connect spiritually, emotionally, or intellectually.

One of the largest issues with pornography is the false standards and expectations that exist as its entourage. The men usually have shredded bodies and large penises, the women are usually tiny with massive breast implants. When children see these types of images at a young age, insecurities arise due to erroneous definitions of what ‘men’ and ‘women’ are stated to be.

Where’s The Love Yall?

There is no love associated with sex in porn, but instead sex is portrayed as an aggressive, animalistic type of practice that wants only to see the gratified ending. There is a massive mis-education done through pornography which creates unrealistic ideas of what ‘good’ sex is. In some cases this can create a big problem in the bedroom, with some people even having to revert to sexual fantasies while having sex in order to reach orgasm. Furthermore, watching porn on a regular basis can diminish the need for sexual pleasure within a relationship.

“Pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros, but dilutes it. Other cultures know this. I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time.”

With all that being said, it must be made clear that I am not denouncing masturbation. Exploring self-pleasure is an essential aspect of being human. After all, those pleasure centers are innate for a reason.

What I’m saying is that there has been a massive misrepresentation of sexual intimacy through the media and porn industry for many years, and these falsifications have destroyed the sacredness of the act. Sex has lost the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for. As we move forward as a society, the media-based values and principles surrounding sexuality need to be readdressed and perhaps fully erased to make room for a new foundation for sex, one without definition and limitation, and one that realigns our bodies with the true nature of intimacy and pleasure.